I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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