why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I need to sanitize my soul.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Randomize
