Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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