im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
