So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
