im having a threesome with these popsicles
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
