I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
