call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
