I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
