i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
im having a threesome with these popsicles
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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