You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Can you bring me the toilet please
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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