what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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