She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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