he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
