She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
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