She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
