Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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