Are we in a gay sports bar?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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