I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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