I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
When did angry sex become our thing?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
