What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
