Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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