Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
