did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
