I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
