I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
