Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
