I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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