What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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