my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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