So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
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I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You brought string cheese to the strip club
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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