i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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