I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
