he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
