Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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