i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
