i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
