i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
