I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My penis needs a shock collar
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
