dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
