home. puking in laundry basket.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
We smell like vodka and hangover
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