I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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