Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
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My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
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We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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