The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
