he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Blow job season was short but glorious.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Randomize
