M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
