I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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