cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
