sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
