laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Randomize
