I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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