Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
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I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
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I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
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I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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