So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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