I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
