i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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