Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
