Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
