I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
