oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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