u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
we made out on top of his cat.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
