Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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