I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
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the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
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just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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