i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
